What are we secretly spending our money on?

If you’ve ever bought something without mentioning it to your partner, you’re not on your own. New research* from AJ Bell has revealed that more than half of Brits in relationships have secretly splashed the cash in the past 12 months.

And the numbers show that this secret spending is adding up fast; the average secret spend comes in at £2,158 a year. We found that men are spending more under the radar than women (£2,545 vs £1,769), and what each group buys in secret also differs.

Across the board, clothes take the top spot, with 26% admitting to hidden wardrobe upgrades. But dig deeper and a clear gender split emerges. Men are more likely to secretly buy consumable vices such as cigarettes or alcohol, gamble with cash, or gift money to friends and family. Women, meanwhile, tend to spend on beauty products, support friends, family and children financially, and add to their savings without telling their partner.

Younger adults are going even further. Gen Z and younger millennials (18–34 year olds) secretly spent an average of £4,303 over the past year - more than 10 times the amount reported by those aged 55 and over (£384). This suggests not only different spending habits, but different levels of openness and communication when it comes to money.

While a bit of secret spending might sound harmless, significant hidden habits can create stress when couples try to budget or plan for the future. A partner quietly gambling or regularly overspending, for example, can derail joint goals like building an emergency fund or saving for a house deposit. But hidden spending can also highlight that not everyone feels fully comfortable discussing money at home.

One of the most striking findings is that 10% of men and 7% of women who spend in secret have put money into cryptocurrencies without telling their partner. Given the volatility of cryptocurrencies, secrecy with this kind of investment can be especially risky. While it’s perfectly reasonable to make your own investment choices, understanding the risks and having at least some level of openness helps avoid potentially nasty surprises later.

To be clear - you don’t need to report every latte or lipstick to your other half. But big costs, recurring habits and any investments that could affect your shared financial future are worth talking about. Money chats may not sound romantic, but they build trust and help you feel more confident about your joint finances.

Ultimately, secret spending doesn’t have to be a red flag. In many cases, it can just be a sign that couples haven’t found a comfortable way to talk about money yet. Improving that communication can be one of the easiest and most empowering steps towards feeling good about your finances.