Friendflation is destroying my bank account – how I plan to recover

In November, I attended seven birthdays. This could give you the impression that I have lots of friends, but in fact, I just have a few that really, really like celebrating their birthdays.

Last year, I booked a Eurostar ticket a week before a friend’s birthday to join her in Paris. It’s made me await the era of hen dos in fear.

I'm completely aware that this is ridiculous. But I love celebrating along with my friends, whether it be at our favourite local or in a brasserie where I muster up my most authentic ‘merci’. And to be honest, these are mostly activities I’d love to do anyways.

The problem is, my bank account is less chuffed about another invite. When a few of these events happen in the same month, it quickly turns from a night or two of loosening the purse strings to my monthly budget completely falling apart. It’s a tricky and anxiety-inducing situation; you want to show up for the people you love and have fun, but that’s dampened when each round of drinks leaves you sneaking a peek at your bank balance.

But there’s a few things we may be able to do to enjoy our time with the people we love and keep our savings plan intact. 

Talking about money

Even with my closest friends, it feels uncomfortable to talk about money. But when I have breached the topic, it’s made me feel much better. Many of us are in a similar situation, and once one person is ready to admit that just a drink may be more in their budget than a full-on dinner, the rest of us often hurriedly agree.

Sometimes, we will find that our friends are in a much better financial position, and this can be harder to handle. But by being honest about money being the issue, it gives them a reason that they can understand. They likely have a friend that creates the same confusing chain of emotions for them.

As a rule of thumb, good friends don’t want to put you into debt, so usually, they take the conversation quite well. 

Taking initiative

One of the most effective ways to spend less money when you go out is to do the activity planning yourself. It adds on extra work, but if you volunteer to choose the restaurant for the girls-night-out, you can shop around for Happy Hour deals or search for a more ‘undercover’ spot that's half the price of the TikTok-famous alternative. You could also propose splitting a bottle of wine at yours instead of heading to the pub before the main event. Thinking outside the box can work as well; I’ve enjoyed (or sometimes suffered through) a few free comedy shows and had brilliant conversations with friends strolling around museums after work.

When you have to bite the bullet

When you know a big spend is coming, it’s important to face it head on. The expense isn’t likely to become smaller by kicking it down the road. If you know about plans far ahead of time, you can put a bit of extra cash aside each week to go towards it.

If you have the funds to do so, it might be less stressful to just put the money aside as soon as possible. That way, you don’t feel that you have extra to spend, and it’s waiting for you when you need it. When your plans involve a trip, this can also be a good way to set a budget and only spend the amount you’ve allocated towards it.

Saying no

Once in a while, it’s okay to opt out. If a plan comes with a big price tag and you find yourself considering it with more dread than excitement, it might just be better to skip it. There’s a good chance you wouldn’t feel that you could enjoy it even if you did attend, and your friend definitely wouldn’t want you to feel awkward.

When it’s a big life event, like someone’s wedding, it can feel hard to turn down the invite. But sometimes it just isn’t possible, or you’ll have to pick between a few. Maybe you can attend the actual wedding but need to skip out on the hen do.

Showing up for the people in our lives is important, and it’s something I choose to prioritise. But it doesn’t have to mean going beyond our means.